We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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