Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Randomize
