it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
