U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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