is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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