nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
