i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
