she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
