I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
