I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
