I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
