i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
