she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
