i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
