I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize