Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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