Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
