Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
