hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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