Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Last time i carry you out of a forest
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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