Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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