Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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