I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
