All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
