I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
