So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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