How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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