Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
