i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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