things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
