I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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