So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
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