The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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