; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
