I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
