Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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