I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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