Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
