I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
