wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
