he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
