My brain says no but my pants say off.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
