Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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