I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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