i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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