she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
