True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
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