So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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