Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
