well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
