i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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