Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
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