Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
