OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
