What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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