It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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