I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
